Stop Hurting Women

So, Amy Glass and her opinion. Wow, where to start?

I get it, I do. I get the sentiment that this chick was kinda-sorta hinting at in her blog-like rant. Getting a wedding or baby shower invitation is normal; we expect it, because it’s the standard celebrations women get when they enter those life stages (some of us earlier than planned!). It’s the way it was for our grandmothers, our mothers, and now us. The standard baby shower punch (YUM, by the way, why is THAT not an every day staple?), trying to figure out if you’re going to think outside the box, or just shuck it and purchase yet another toaster– we’ve all been there.

So, I get it. Why don’t I get an invitation that says, “Look who just made partner at Pretentious Law Firm! Come join us for a celebration!” Let’s openly celebrate those accomplishments with our families, our friends, and make it the norm, as much of the norm as a baby shower. Go for it! I’m in. More chances to drink some Sprite + sherbet punch.

However.

If you are someone who thinks that women only have one place, and that is barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen to rustle up some of that homemade cooking, you are in the minority, and if you let this opinion be known to a group of females, mixed with SAHMs, WAHMs, and single, working women, you’re likely to die from the looks, if someone doesn’t outright punch you. That’s because women, just like men, can’t be pushed into a certain mold.

I have never had plans to backpack through Europe. Heck, I don’t even want to GO to Europe. This is not because I have a husband and kids, and am therefore tied down with my womanly duties. It’s because, well… I don’t like hiking, I don’t like the outdoors, I don’t like to travel, and flying over the ocean scares me. So, take your pick, but don’t blame it on my decision to get married and procreate.

The same goes with the fact that I was never going to be a doctor. Science bores me, and I’m sure everyone prefers their neurologists and pediatricians have a zest for the science behind the medicine. So, again, my 2-year-old ball-and-chain has nothing to do with the fact I will never have an M.D. after my name.

Ultimately, her initial question of, “Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself?” while worded rather rudely (let’s be blunt: she phrased that like a big ‘ole biotch), does have a small point. Spending the day building blocks, eating pretend picnics, and reading “Goodnight Moon” 18 times is not nearly important as the woman surgeon who just prevented someone from dying on her table after a horrific car accident. Heck yes, let’s CELEBRATE that, because WOW, that’s amazing. I’m in awe of women who can do that.

But, someone raised that woman. She has a mother, or a mother-like figure. Someone taught her right from wrong, encouraged her to do well in school, and inspired her to keep going. Lawyers, doctors and high-powered career woman don’t pop out of thin air. They were children once that needed to be looked after. Maybe my daughter will grow up to be next in a long line of women presidents, or CEO of a powerful company. I fantasize daily about what she will do for herself and for the world.

One thing that has never, ever entered my mind though, is that she will be settling if she decides to fall in love, get married, and create some beautiful babies of her own. Because, the end goal for every human being should be the ability to look back at our lives when we’re 80, covered in wrinkles, and say, “Wow, I had such a fulfilling life.”

Women can raise a family, or they can climb the corporate ladder, or they can do both. If you want to empower women and celebrate them for their accomplishments, more power to you! The world can always use more happiness. And cake. And champagne. But if you do that by looking down on and crushing the spirit of those who chose a different path than you would choose for yourself, you’re not helping. You’re hurting.

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One thought on “Stop Hurting Women

  1. Lost in her diatribe is the historical context of baby and wedding showers. They’re celebrations; yes. But getting married (e.g. starting a new household) and having a child (e.g. producing another human being to feed, clothe, wash, etc.) involve big expenditures. Wedding and baby showers essentially “crowdsource” these big costs.

    And her rant failed to account for graduations, which are like large, cooperative graduation showers for the entire class. Graduation announcements are the same as baby shower invitations. They say, “I’ve done something that has profound effect on my life. I am starting a new journey. I’d like you to be there (and I’d appreciate some help funding the new wardrobe, toolbox, travel set . . . I’ll need in this new part of my life).”

    This goes for high school, trade school, college, graduate school, military, and police and fire academies.

    Whether it’s related to “getting knocked up” (as she put it) or entering a career with start-up costs (new wardrobe, travel kits, briefcase, toolbox, etc.), society spreads the costs across friends and family in the guise of a celebration.

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